The New Year is upon us, and the tradition of a New Year’s Resolution looms over your head. What was it last year? The year before that? How long did it last? Do you even remember what it was?
“I should be more….
“I should do more…
“I will always…
“I will never…
Do any of those sound familiar?
This year at Green Mountain at Fox Run, we are looking at it differently. We are calling it New Year Release-O-Lutions. We are thinking about the things we might want to release out of our lives…things like:
- Negative self-talk (letting go of our inner mean girl)
- The quest for perfection
- The relentless quest to “fit in”
- Energy-sucking people
- And others…I am sure you can think of some more.
These are among those things that we do in life, that don’t serve us in the long run.
How about we take a closer look…
That persistent inner mean girl pounces on you every chance she gets, whether it is something you said, something you did, or a sideways glance in a mirror.
She is always there ready and waiting for any opportunity she gets to let you know just how not good enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough, and not thin enough you are. This inner mean girl voice has a rough tone; she is harsh and degrading.
This year how about releasing this mean inner voice and replacing it with one that is more kind, caring and compassionate?
1. Listen and acknowledge her when she appears.
You must notice her presence before you can change it. Listen with a new-found curiosity. “Hmmmm…what is she trying to do? Why is she being so mean? Why is she so angry with me? Why is she talking so loudly?”
2. Question her…without judgement, in a kinder and softer voice.
“That is really interesting you feel that way. Really? Is that a fact? Am I really?”
3. Change the voice and the words.
Try something like, “I’m doing the best I can, I’m taking better care of myself every day, I am human, Thanks for sharing, your words are hurtful and not helpful, no thank you.”
This year, begin to strengthen your internal voice by making her your friend, not your enemy. Welcome and embrace this new kind and compassionate voice that you find. Let her words help lift you up, not tear you down.
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Releasing the Quest for Perfection
Many of us have the internal drive to be perfect…but where in the handbook of life did it say that on the day you were born, you were to be perfect? That the life that lay before you would go exactly the way that you want and plan? Isn’t it within your challenges, mistakes and experiences that you grow, learn and change?
Your imperfections are exactly what make you unique. It is what draws others towards you.
It is within this uniqueness that you can find deeper connections with others. It is where you find out that you are not alone, that others share your pain. It is here where you can help and understand others by sharing your stories and experiences.
This quest for perfection only helps to enlist that inner mean girl to speak up and rear her head.
This year, begin to release this desire for perfection by realizing that you are human. That you are who you are because of your imperfections. It is those exact imperfections that make the perfect you.
Release the Desire to Fit In
Have you ever pretended to agree with someone? Lied about what you liked to eat? Bought clothes you didn’t even like just to fit in? That all that mattered was that you were liked?
I remember it well, wanting to be liked, wanting to be accepted by the other girls. This is not just something that just kids and teenagers do, it’s something that’s carried into adulthood.
Even today, I find myself agreeing with someone, so that they will like me better. What’s that all about? Changing and molding our thoughts, actions and beliefs just so that we would be liked, fit it, be part of the “in crowd”.
You are not alone, we have a natural need and desire to belong.
Researcher Brené Brown would say that there is a true difference though, between belonging and fitting in.
In an article Brown wrote for Oprah, she describes the difference between the two:
- “Fitting in is assessing situations and groups of people, then twisting yourself into a human pretzel in order to get them to let you hang out with them.”
- “Belonging is something else entirely – it’s showing up and letting yourself be seen and known as you really are.”
So many of us spend our lives trying to fit in, to be like others…to be perfect.
This is the year of belonging to a group of people who like you because of you, because of your imperfections, because of your talents, your traits, your ideas, your thoughts and your beliefs.
This year let the real you be seen, release the quest for perfection and fitting in and replace the inner mean girl with a kinder, more compassionate friend with whom you BELONG.
This year #BeHerNow! Whoever it is you’re waiting to show up before you can fully live, stop waiting and start living. More information to come in our #BeHerNow email series, and stay tuned for Part 2, where we talk about some other things that might be worth releasing this year.