When You Feel Like Bingeing, READ THIS

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The Binge Eating Diaries When You Feel Like Bingeing Read This

Binge Eating Diaries

It’s okay. You’re okay. We’re together now. Breathe.

If you’ve been reading my blog over the last 3 years, then you probably know me pretty well by now. One thing I hope you know for certain – is that you can trust me.

If you’re new today, welcome. My name is Jacki and if, in this very moment, you’re feigning, craving, and trying to resist the temptation to binge – I get you.

I, too, have faced my own battle against Binge Eating Disorder and to this day, I still struggle with emotional overeating.

Today, I’d like you to consider printing out the bottom part of this blog post and putting it somewhere safe, somewhere that you can get to it when the urge to binge or emotionally overeat is so strong that it hurts – your stomach aches to feel fullness, your mind pleads for numbness, your heart beats and begs for some kind of comfort.

Next time that happens (whether that’s in five minutes or five years) come back to this moment with me.

Related Article:

The Healing Power of Community for Binge Eating

Now, if you’ve been holding your breath, fighting back tears, staring down your reflection, or playing Russian roulette with trigger foods from your pantry… I understand. (Will this be the food that sets me off today?) I have lost this game more times than I can count.

But you’re here now, which means you can breathe. You can fall apart. You can not be okay, and nobody is going to judge you.

This blog is your safety blanket. Let yourself be swaddled. Melt into the idea that you don’t have to go through this moment alone.

In The Moment Before Binge Eating

These moments SUCK.

Sometimes they’re so awful that they overwhelm our senses completely, and POOF! It’s 30 minutes later, and we find ourselves coming to – with a buffet sprawled out on the bed or the kitchen floor… and no memory of where the time (or the food) went.

But sometimes, like right now, we can consciously decide to endure some of the feelings that we want so desperately to stuff down with food.

I know – this is akin to choosing to walk barefoot over hot coals instead of putting on the shoes that are right there… in your size (and your favorite color).

Yes, those coals may burn like hell for a few minutes. And yes, you might feel like you’ll never make it. But, you will. You know you will. You’ve done it before and you’re about to do it again.

(Hang in there. Each moment we stay here together is another moment that neither of us is alone.)

If sitting in silence or solitude is too alarming, consider this: (bear with me now) try throwing your arms around yourself as you brave the fire – give yourself a hug. Too intense? What about a light hand to the heart?

Even though the last thing you might want to do right now is touch yourself… these are the moments when your body needs you the most. Fight for yourself. Your body is used to getting food right about now. It’s urging you to give it something else, some kind of comfort, in place of food.

Finding Comfort & Release In Something Other Than Eating

Or maybe you’re ready for a different kind of release. Let yourself cry, squeeze a stress ball until it threatens to burst, tear up some newspaper in an angry fit, repeat a mantra that you truly believe (or practice one that you want to believe).

Related Article: Do You Have the Healing Touch?

Someone very special to me taught me my go-to mantra, “A feeling is a feeling is a feeling… it requires no action.”

I have it written on an index card hanging up in my room. It’s there when I need it. It doesn’t fix anything, and it’s not magic… but it helps remind me that even when I feel completely out of control, I don’t have to make any sudden movements. I can just “be” until my feelings sort themselves out a little.

If I can take off my blinders long enough, I’ll be able to see that there are other routes to happiness, not just a tunnel (vision) to the kitchen.

(Are you still with me? Are you still breathing? You’re doing so well. I’m proud of you.)

I want you to remember something: Bingeing is not failing. It’s a very real coping mechanism that we use to make it through periods of our lives without giving up.

For me, bingeing was my sole survival tactic for over two years. It wasn’t the healthiest option, and I wasn’t the happiest person… but I made it.

So, please don’t ever think of a bad day as the last day. Please don’t ever think of yourself as bad person. Please believe in yourself and keep doing your best, one day, one hour, one moment at a time.

And don’t feel like you have to do any of it alone.

Overcoming the Urge to Binge Mindlessly

Look at that… we did it. Even if you’ve been eating as you read this blog, that’s okay. You were mindful and in-tune with these words as you ate.

Which means one thing… together, we made it through this blog binge-free.

You, my friend, are incredible.

Until next time,

Jace

Did this blog resonate with you? Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section below. This is a safe space and you are always welcome here.

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22 responses to “When You Feel Like Bingeing, READ THIS”

  1. BJ Whittle says:

    Thanks, Jace. This was an awesome post (they usually are) and a super addition to our toolboxes. 🙂
    BJ

  2. Vinzinza says:

    Sometimes I don’t think that I will ever recover from this.

    I was originally diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa. Then when I “recovered”, my diagnosis was changed to EDNOS (Eating disorder not otherwise specified), and although I’ve never received an official diagnosis I also suffer from Binge Eating disorder. I often feel as though I’m being torn apart my mind and body are being pulled in so many directions.

    I’ve started walking, but it feels like this small step towards a healthy lifestyle was and is in utter futility considering the contradictory manner of my eating habits. I set a goal for myself to, if not lose a few pound by Halloween, at the very least tone up. I created this goal for myself mid-September and I am still bingeing. I feel like a complete and utter failure. I find myself reading about all of these stories of recovery and can’t help but be a little envious, Because as I mentioned earlier, I feel given all of my afflictions, limitations, and setbacks that recovery was not meant for me.

    All I’ve ever wanted to do is lead some sibilance of a normal life. Don’t know why I’m writing this here, but I guess I felt like I had to do it somewhere. I’m just so tired of disappointment.

    • Jace says:

      Vinzinza,

      I’m glad you decided to write this here. That’s why I write this blog – as an outlet for myself and to open up a space for other people to say whatever they want to or feel the need to say. I know you’ve probably heard this line before… but I REALLY do understand what you’re going through. I don’t always feel as “put together” as my blogs may sound. Some days are still really, really hard.

      Your words “I often feel as though I’m being torn apart my mind and body are being pulled in so many directions” made the hair stand up on the back of my arms. That feeling is very familiar.

      It sounds like you’ve been through an awful lot and you’re extremely self-aware. It takes a lot of courage to write what you wrote – to share exactly how you’re feeling in the moment. I have a hunch that you’re a lot stronger than even you may know. But no matter how strong we are, sometimes we all need a little help. If you haven’t already, maybe you could consider seeking out some support? Talking to a professional could really help. It definitely has helped me along the way.

      It took me a while to understand this concept, but now I firmly believe that exercise doesn’t “not count” if you happen to binge or overeat on the same day. Walking is still a wonderful thing you can do for your body. Any movement at all is so important. Sometimes, I go for a walk after or during a time of emotional eating. It helps to get me out of the kitchen and back “to myself” – even if just for a few minutes. This helps me stay in my current moment. Sometimes setting weight oriented goals can lead to all-or-nothing thinking patterns, which can set us up for that feeling of failure. It’s amazing how much our bodies and minds respond when we focus on “now” instead of weight oriented deadlines.

      The word “recovery” always made me feel a little nervous. Like I’d never get there. Now, I think of this as a journey. This way, there’s no finish line. I’m only trying to be/do/and feel a little bit better each day. I’m not racing to a finish line that doesn’t exist.

      Thank you so much for sharing with us. I’m so sorry you’re hurting, but please know that you are not alone and you can always come back to this blog to read or share. Your words are safe here.

      Jace

  3. G. L. says:

    Thank you for doing this! it really helped me not wolf down a whole bag of chips and a chocolate bar. I guess all of us are stronger than what we give ourselves credit for! 🙂

    • Jace says:

      Hi G.L.
      Thank you so much for reading and commenting! I’m so glad you found this post helpful!

      Here’s to our strength!

      Jace

  4. Mariah says:

    This is amazing. I randomly happened upon this blog because I was searching for help not binging. I feel like I’ve just stumbled upon a gold mine. Thank you for writing this. Especially the “It’s okay. You’re okay.”
    Thank you!

    • Jace says:

      Hi Mariah,

      Thank you so much for reading and commenting. We’re so happy to hear that this post resonated with you!

      This is definitely one of my mantras that I use on a regular basis: It’s okay. You’re okay!

      Thank you again.
      Jace

  5. Kelly says:

    Thank you for writing this.

  6. MC says:

    Thank you for your post. I’m 32 and I’ve been binging since I can remember. Every time I feel I’m finally over it I comes back stronger, making me feel powerless and helpless. This is the first time I write about it, last week I was so hopeful and then yesterday, for no reason, even when I did not want to Binge, I did. I’m still trying to analyze what happened without finding the answer, all I know is that this is a daily battle and every person has their own struggles. This is ours and we have to embrace it and keep looking for ways to deal with it. I wish you all the best.

    • Jace says:

      Hi MC,

      Thank you so much reading and for sharing with us today! I find your words “this is ours and we have to embrace it and keep looking for ways to deal with it” so powerful. It was so brave of you to write about this for the first time.

      I wish you all the best as well and I thank you again for commenting.

      Jace

  7. Jayalakshmi says:

    Every night, I type out words in the hope of stumbling across something that gives me the strength to move forward. And that’s exactly what happened when I read this. It’s like you’ve been here with me, observing me and reading my mind. I wept reading this. I hope someday I can overcome this uncontrollable and powerless emotion and urge to eat.
    Thank you so much for expressing your thoughts. Thank you!

    • Jace says:

      Jayalakshmi,
      Thank you so much for reading and sharing your experience while reading with us. I am so moved by your words and I thank YOU for typing them.

      Jace

  8. Rebecca Anderson says:

    I don’t feel likeI binge because I am unhappy. It’s just that I suddenly “Want” to eat and eat and eat. I set a thing for myself that if I am going to go to the store to buy crap to eat then I at least need to walk. I seriously considered walking… here’s the thing. Today I am not even very hungry, My stomach actually feels overfull for some reason. I walked and exercised and was FINE. But my kids came home with left over DQ and I seriously almost swung out of control I needed to read this. But I don’t understand WHY I do this. I feel like at least if I was unhappy then I would have a REASON. I don’t and it makes me feel like such a loser. I can’t even say “Oh! It’s emotional.” Because I don’t think it is. I hate failing and it feels like until I know the reason I will always fail, but apparently I do not have a reason. 🙁

  9. Jace says:

    Hi Rebecca,
    Thank you so much for reading and taking a moment to share with us. I absolutely know that feeling of WANT – that craving – even when I’m in a good mood. Sometimes especially if I’m in a good mood! Giving yourself the time and space to decide if you really do want that certain food (in your case, by walking to get it) can be a great strategy. I’ve told myself many times “Hey. If you want that still in an hour or tomorrow then it looks like you really want it!” Seeing a trigger food, even when we’re in a good space, can be well – triggering. I absolutely have those moments, too. I’m good, I’m great, it’s a beautiful day! Oh crap. There’s _____ now in my space and in front of my face. I know how it feels not to understand the “why” behind the “want.” I mean…sometimes food just tastes good and so we want it! I’ve been working on “giving myself permission” (trying not to feel guilty) about eating anything I want in small portion sizes. Then I tell myself, “You don’t have to eat all of it right now. You can have this again. Heck, you can have it later or tomorrow!” This strategy isn’t for everyone but sometimes I find that letting go of the words “can’t” and “shouldn’t” – I can’t have this. I shouldn’t have that – can bring me a little peace. Making certain foods un-forbidden. Thank you again for sharing with us today. I truly believe that every moment we try to figure out more about ourselves by reading and sharing with each other here is a win NOT a failure. Thank you for being in this moment with me, Rebecca.

    Jace

  10. Val says:

    I’m standing here in my kitchen and literally scratching my nails down my arms. It hits me like a truck. I want, NEED to eat, just eat and it wont stop until I feel utterly sick and that takes a lot. I went from pantry to fridge, pantry to fridge, over and over again just searching but not actually grabbing anything. I hate how this feels, I want it to stop. It feels like my body is always fighting me. PCOS already causes my body to crave sweets all the time and binge eating makes me want to eat ALL THE THINGS. I feel so gross…

    I’ve read this page 4 times over. I’m going to print out this card. I need it. =[

  11. Jace says:

    Hi Val,
    Thank you so much for reading and commenting. I know that feeling SO well. I feel the hairs on my arm standing up just reading this truth. “It feels like my body is always fighting me” rings so true to me personally. Thank you for being so brave and sharing your moment with us. I hope having the card with you reminds you that you are NOT alone and that this safe space is always here for you.

    Jace

  12. Melissa D says:

    As I sit here in a different treatment facility for my compulsive overeating, your blog brought me such comfort in a moment of absolute despair. You are a blessing…truly you are. Many thanks for this post…it got me through.

  13. Jace says:

    Hi Melissa,

    Thank you so much for reading and commenting. I am smiling with tears in my eyes after reading your beautiful words. I am sending positive thoughts, light, and a big hug.

    Jace

  14. Janny says:

    Hi there…
    I have been bingeing my whole life.. Now I understand why.
    I was sexually and mentally abused when I was young and food
    always numbed me out so I wouldn’t feel the pain…
    I am almost MEDICARE status, and still binge when I have any
    stress..
    My whole identity was wrapped up in how I looked because I believed there was nothing on the inside..
    I’ve had a lot of therapy but this is a hard one to stop

  15. John says:

    Thank you for this. Been struggling my entire life with Binge Eating. It’s an addiction really and the words you wrote can help anyone with any addiction. “A feeling is a feeling is a feeling… it requires no action.” How true that is yet how quickly we forget to remember. So many times I’ve won the battle and seen the ‘feeling’ pass. One minute I feel like I can’t LIVE without a pint of Ben & Jerrys and if I wait it out the feeling passes and suddenly it’s like it was never there. And I think, “I’m so glad I waited till it passed” But sadly more often then I’d like… I just give in to the feeling and live to regret it. EVERY DAMN TIME. But not today. Thank you.

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About the Author

Jacki Monaco

Jacki (or Jace) is a Green Mountain alum that shares experiences with binge eating disorder through "The Binge Eating Diaries” series. Follow Jacki as she shares the discoveries she’s made on her journey to health and happiness.

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