Binge Eating Diaries
It’s okay. You’re okay. We’re together now. Breathe.
If you’ve been reading my blog over the last 3 years, then you probably know me pretty well by now. One thing I hope you know for certain – is that you can trust me.
If you’re new today, welcome. My name is Jacki and if, in this very moment, you’re feigning, craving, and trying to resist the temptation to binge – I get you.
I, too, have faced my own battle against Binge Eating Disorder and to this day, I still struggle with emotional overeating.
Today, I’d like you to consider printing out the bottom part of this blog post and putting it somewhere safe, somewhere that you can get to it when the urge to binge or emotionally overeat is so strong that it hurts – your stomach aches to feel fullness, your mind pleads for numbness, your heart beats and begs for some kind of comfort.
Next time that happens (whether that’s in five minutes or five years) come back to this moment with me.
Now, if you’ve been holding your breath, fighting back tears, staring down your reflection, or playing Russian roulette with trigger foods from your pantry… I understand. (Will this be the food that sets me off today?) I have lost this game more times than I can count.
But you’re here now, which means you can breathe. You can fall apart. You can not be okay, and nobody is going to judge you.
This blog is your safety blanket. Let yourself be swaddled. Melt into the idea that you don’t have to go through this moment alone.
In The Moment Before Binge Eating
These moments SUCK.
Sometimes they’re so awful that they overwhelm our senses completely, and POOF! It’s 30 minutes later, and we find ourselves coming to – with a buffet sprawled out on the bed or the kitchen floor… and no memory of where the time (or the food) went.
But sometimes, like right now, we can consciously decide to endure some of the feelings that we want so desperately to stuff down with food.
I know – this is akin to choosing to walk barefoot over hot coals instead of putting on the shoes that are right there… in your size (and your favorite color).
Yes, those coals may burn like hell for a few minutes. And yes, you might feel like you’ll never make it. But, you will. You know you will. You’ve done it before and you’re about to do it again.
(Hang in there. Each moment we stay here together is another moment that neither of us is alone.)
If sitting in silence or solitude is too alarming, consider this: (bear with me now) try throwing your arms around yourself as you brave the fire – give yourself a hug. Too intense? What about a light hand to the heart?
Even though the last thing you might want to do right now is touch yourself… these are the moments when your body needs you the most. Fight for yourself. Your body is used to getting food right about now. It’s urging you to give it something else, some kind of comfort, in place of food.
Finding Comfort & Release In Something Other Than Eating
Or maybe you’re ready for a different kind of release. Let yourself cry, squeeze a stress ball until it threatens to burst, tear up some newspaper in an angry fit, repeat a mantra that you truly believe (or practice one that you want to believe).
Related Article: Do You Have the Healing Touch?
Someone very special to me taught me my go-to mantra, “A feeling is a feeling is a feeling… it requires no action.”
I have it written on an index card hanging up in my room. It’s there when I need it. It doesn’t fix anything, and it’s not magic… but it helps remind me that even when I feel completely out of control, I don’t have to make any sudden movements. I can just “be” until my feelings sort themselves out a little.
If I can take off my blinders long enough, I’ll be able to see that there are other routes to happiness, not just a tunnel (vision) to the kitchen.
(Are you still with me? Are you still breathing? You’re doing so well. I’m proud of you.)
I want you to remember something: Bingeing is not failing. It’s a very real coping mechanism that we use to make it through periods of our lives without giving up.
For me, bingeing was my sole survival tactic for over two years. It wasn’t the healthiest option, and I wasn’t the happiest person… but I made it.
So, please don’t ever think of a bad day as the last day. Please don’t ever think of yourself as bad person. Please believe in yourself and keep doing your best, one day, one hour, one moment at a time.
And don’t feel like you have to do any of it alone.
Overcoming the Urge to Binge Mindlessly
Look at that… we did it. Even if you’ve been eating as you read this blog, that’s okay. You were mindful and in-tune with these words as you ate.
Which means one thing… together, we made it through this blog binge-free.
You, my friend, are incredible.
Until next time,
Did this blog resonate with you? Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments section below. This is a safe space and you are always welcome here.
B.E.D. Support Card – Cut Here!