The Binge Eating Diaries: Binge Eating During Quarantine

By:

Hey You.

WHAT IN THE TIGER-KING-TIK-TOK-CHALLENGE-ONE-TIME-STIMULUS-CHECK-IS-HAPPENING?

Now that’s how you start a blog post during a world crisis…I think?

For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Jace (Jacki’s alter ego). I’m taking over to give her a little break from her “new normal” and to check in with all of you.

How are you doing? No. Seriously. How are YOU doing? Don’t give me any of that “Oh, I’m fine. Everything is fine. I’m okay with the events that are unfolding currently.”

I know it’s been a while, but global pandemics call for check-ins from old friends.

I hope you’re safe. I hope your heart is doing okay. I hope your loved ones are well. I hope your relationship with food is at it’s all-time best.

But if it isn’t…join the club! Shall we call it “Awesome People Trying Not to Eat the Carpet During Quarantine Anonymous?”

(We’ll work on that.)

I digress…

You are not alone. This sucks, and this is hard.

If you’re anything like Jacki, you’ve flipped through your BED book of comfort and found a “shrug emoji” under “coronavirus.”

This is new, and Jacki was not prepared. And to be honest, neither was I. But we’re both trying our best, and I know you are, too.

  • If you’re binge eating while sheltering-in-place, you are not alone
  • If you’re emotionally overeating while quarantined, you are not alone
  • If you’re craving comfort food while isolated from your loved ones, you are not alone
  • If you’re eating out of boredom because you can’t watch another cat video on YouTube but you don’t have the energy to do much else, you are not alone.
  • If you’re stress eating because this is stressful as hell, you are human—a beautiful human doing your best to figure out what in the literal f*ck has happened to your world. And you are not alone.

The thing that people who don’t binge eat or emotionally overeat can’t understand right now is how many layers we’re trying to swim through.

The universe whipped us up a 7-layer bean dip made of guilt and shame and…beans that were supposed to be for the whole family for supper! (Oops? *smiles sheepishly*)

With every bite, Jacki’s been chewing on that guilt, finding it hard to swallow:

  • I can’t eat another helping—there are people out there (by no fault of their own) who can barely feed themselves or their families right now. What is wrong me?
  • Why am I so gluttonous? I CANNOT be gluttonous right now.
  • If I overeat the food I’ve managed to get my hands on, what happens if I can’t get more?
  • What if I lose my job and can’t afford more food? I need to save it! Lock it up! Keep it safe from…me!
  • What if I eat my partner’s share of the food in the house? What about him? Oh my god. I’m a terrible partner.
  • I’m home. All the time. I should be using this time to better myself. Crunches in between work calls! Squats while on work calls! Doing both while watching T.V.! Why am I not crunching and squatting?!?
  • Am I back to choosing food over friends? Wait. I can’t leave the house. I can’t see friends. THIS IS NOT MY FAULT!!! Is it?

The guilt is almost eating her alive—while she tries to eat to live and not live to eat.

So, I just sit with her while she talks it through and takes a breath. Together, we wait for the moment to pass—or not. Again, we just do our best.

As impossible as it may seem, I hope you know that…

If your relationship with food has taken a turn—you did not fail. You have not failed. If you’re alone—it’s not because you’re unloved, it’s to keep you and your loved ones safe.

If you’re overwhelmed with company—people you love but cannot escape—you’re not a bitch if you demand some self-care time and space.

If you can’t sleep soundly (or at all) at night—you’re not lazy if you take a nap the next day.

If you’re trying to work at home while homeschooling your kids and feel like you’re falling short—you are a magical unicorn and don’t you let anyone tell you otherwise.

If you don’t have the time or luxury or energy to do a fitness challenge during all this “free time”—you are not less than those who do.

If you can’t find or don’t have the money to buy and cook organic vegetables right now—you’re not a bad child, parent, or caregiver.

If you got laid off—it’s not because you were a bad employee. You did not deserve this. You did not do this to yourself.

We will get through this separately—but together.

We are okay…even if we’re not right now. We are not alone…even if we physically are right now. Our feelings are valid…even if we don’t particularly like them right now. We are loved…even if it’s hard to love ourselves right now.

And if you don’t have a safe space at home…you always have one here.

Stay Safe Friends,
Jace (& Jacki)

P.S.

If you’re looking for some tools and strategies during this time, I hope these previous blog posts help in any way they can. <3

Write yourself a love note: The Binge Eating Diaries: A NOTEworthy Form of Self-Care

Print out your Binge Eating SOS Card: When You Feel Like Bingeing, READ THIS

Practice intuitive eating: The Binge Eating Diaries: Intuitive Eating

Turn free time into “me-time”: The Binge Eating Diaries: How to Turn Free Time into ME Time

Practice self-forgiveness: The Binge Eating Diaries: Learning to Forgive Myself

 


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About the Author

Jacki Monaco

Jacki (or Jace) is a Green Mountain alum that shares experiences with binge eating disorder through "The Binge Eating Diaries” series. Follow Jacki as she shares the discoveries she’s made on her journey to health and happiness.

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