In Part One of our Release-O-lutions blog we talked about releasing some things in 2017. So, to start things out today, imagine yourself holding an arm full of bricks. These bricks are filled with some of these release-o-lutions that we’ve talked about (negative self-talk, the quest for perfection and fitting in). Are they heavy?How many of have you been lugging around? And for how long?
What else have you been carrying around with you?
As our lives go forward, we tend to look back and wish we had a do-over, where we would change or alter something we had done in the past.
- Regret not telling someone how much they meant to us
- Regret not telling someone how much you appreciated them
- Wished you had realized how special they were
- Wished you hadn’t treated someone so poorly
Or maybe you regret making a decision that would have moved your life in a different direction.
- Bought a house, or didn’t buy a house
- Accepted a job or didn’t accept a job
- Married a person or didn’t marry them
- Said Yes, instead of No (or the other way around)
Holding onto these regrets holds you hostage to the past. It hurts no one but you.
This year, release the regret. Let go of the “what if” and let yourself off the hook. Think about what you learned from the decisions that you made.
Replace the “should have” or “wish I” with “glad I know now”.
Resentment is the bitterness and anger we hold onto for someone else…for something they did or didn’t do, for how they treated you, for the pain and hurt they caused you. This is pain. Bitterness and anger are real.
Ask yourself these questions: What is it doing to you? How is it affecting you?
Now, ask yourself this: what is it doing to the person you are angry at? How is it affecting them? Do they even care?
In many cases, these resentments affect us much more than they affect the other person. I’m not saying here that their actions, behaviors or words are not wrong. However, we give them our power. Holding on to these feelings and emotions can lead to increased stress, anxiety and depression.
Here is a releasing activity to try:
- Write down on a piece of paper what, who or why you are holding onto this resentment and anger. Write it all out. Don’t hold anything back. Tell them how you feel, why you feel the way you do, and how it has affected you and your life. You may find yourself yelling, crying or swearing…know that is normal.
- After you feel it is all out, grab a match and bring your writing to a body of water…a river, stream, or the ocean. Light the match and set the writing on fire. Send the ashes into the water…letting it go. No water? Fire up your paper shredder or just use your hands and rip it to shreds. Destroy and release it.
This process can be hard and painful. It may even take a few rounds of writing and burning. As you release the anger and resentment, you take back your power. Find your strength to release the feelings of resentment that take up space, so that you create open space for something better.
Energy Sucking Relationships
We all have so many people in our lives. Some we LOVE to be around — they give us energy and support and they encourage us. Spending time with them is easy and good for your soul. These relationships are Energy Giving.
There are also some other people in our life who they tend to suck all the energy out of us and drain us. We don’t enjoy being around them.
So why is it we continue to put ourselves in this situation? Continue to spend time with people who we don’t enjoy being around?
Awareness of this is the first step. Realizing that a relationship brings you down, decreases your self-worth or self-esteem, makes you sad, angry or depressed creates an opportunity for change. Are you able to reduce or even minimize the time you spend in this relationship?
When you know you’ll be spending time with one of these energy sucking people (the annual summer family reunion, for example), do you to bring yourself down in anticipation? Do you feel yourself dreading the encounter, and in turn, create your own energy sucking aura?
What if, next time, you bring your energy giving self to this interaction? Maybe your energy will rub off (the mirror neuron effect: brain neurons that mirror others behavior)…or maybe it won’t. But at least you enter the event with a little extra supportive energy on your side.
It might be time to think twice about how much time you really NEED to be a part of these relationships.
Imagine a teeter totter for a minute. If on one side you stacked up all the Energy Givers (supportive and caring people) of your life and on the other side all the Energy Suckers, what would happen? Which side would fall to the ground?
My challenge to you for the next year is to increase the time you spend with your Energy Givers, and decrease the time you spend with your Energy Suckers.
Remember those bricks you were holding at the beginning of this blog? It is time to let them go, release them, drop them. Let go of as many bricks that you can. It is the year to lighten your load.
This year, you have permission to release your inner mean girl, that quest for perfection, fitting in, any regrets and resentments, and energy sucking relationships. This year, you have permission to #BeHerNow…to live fully and release a number on a scale, a pant size, or the list of “Shoulds” sitting in your brain.