I was watching Dr. Michael Roizen, author of “The Real Age Diet”, “You – The Owner’s Manual: An Insider’s Guide to the Body That Will Make You Healthier and Younger” and “The Real Age Makeover”, this weekend on my local PBS channel talking about his popular aging theories. So, of course, like anyone I wanted to know how old am I, really? Like most of us, I think I’m still 25, but on some days I feel every day of 49!
So, for all of you out there (like me), about to reach another milestone, here are some views on aging from the granddaddy of observational comedy…
A View on Aging, By George Carlin
Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we’re kids?
If you’re less than 10 years old, you’re so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
“How old are you?” “I’m four and a half!”
You’re never thirty-six and a half. You’re four and a half, going on five! That’s the key.
You get into your teens, now they can’t hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.
“How old are you?” “I’m GONNA be 16!” You could be 13, but hey, you’re GONNA be 16!
And then the greatest day of your life . . . You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony…you become 21. Yes!!!
But then you TURN 30. Ooooh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk!
He TURNED; we had to throw him out.
There’s no fun now, you’re just a sour-dumpling. What’s wrong? What’s changed?
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you’re PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it’s all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50!
And your dreams are gone.
But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn’t think you would.
So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.
You’ve built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it’s a day-by-day thing;
you HIT Wednesday!
You get into your 80’s and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch;
you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn’t end there. Into
the 90’s, you start going backwards;
“I Was JUST 92.”
Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a
little kid again. “I’m 100 and a half!”
May we all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!
For other books by Dr. Roizen see About RealAge
For other George Carlin fans check out his site at GeorgeCarlin.com