The Binge Eating Diaries: The “F” in Food


A series by Green Mountain alum Jacki Monaco on her journey to overcome binge eating. Follow her every other Thursday as she blogs about the victories and challenges of recovery.

I’m a lousy cook.Scratch that – I’m inexperienced. I’ve dabbled here and there with safe foods like chicken, vegetables, brown rice – foods I knew wouldn’t overexcite my gullible senses.

I’ve feared food for so long that the thought of cooking has always been uncomfortable. You want me to stand in the kitchen, hovering over food, for hours? Without eating all of it? I didn’t understand how that was possible. But now that I’m mending my relationship with edibles, my inner child is beginning to re-discover that the “F” in food stands for fun.

This past Sunday my mother showed me how to cook a healthy lasagna. Not a culinary feat by any means, but it was a big deal for me to tempt a binge by cooking one of my trigger foods. Temptation came and went but instead of giving in, we laughed, tasted, and wrapped it up for dinnertime.

Sitting on the couch after the fact and knowing that there was a whole lasagna sitting in the kitchen was definitely a little difficult, but a part of me didn’t want to destroy the food art I’d just created. I felt proud, accomplished, and that I MADE the meal I was about to eat instead settling for the frozen food I usually heat. 

There comes a time when the kitchen threshold must be crossed other than to raid the fridge and pillage the cabinets. At first, it may be uncomfortable and scary, but ultimately, I found, cooking can also be creative, social, empowering and FUN.

Have you put the Fun back in Food?

4 responses to “The Binge Eating Diaries: The “F” in Food”

  1. Jace says:

    Thank you so much for sharing Jules!

  2. Jace says:

    Lou, thank you SO much for commenting. Your words brought a smile to my face!

  3. Cindy says:

    Thanks, Jacki. I really enjoyed your post. When I was younger I use to struggle more with having food in the fridge calling my name. Now, I will say that I find it comforting to have it there, knowing I can have it whenever I want it. Somehow it takes the pressure off. Doesn’t mean I still don’t struggle on occasion, but getting to a place where you’re a little less ‘all or nothing’ really helps. And, like anything else, it takes practice to start changing those neural pathways.

  4. Jace says:

    Cindy- You sound like you’re doing a FANTASTIC job making friends with food. A little less “all or nothing” sure does go a long way! Thank you so much for commenting.

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About the Author

Jacki Monaco

Jacki (or Jace) is a Green Mountain alum that shares experiences with binge eating disorder through "The Binge Eating Diaries” series. Follow Jacki as she shares the discoveries she’s made on her journey to health and happiness.

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