The Binge Eating Diaries: Self-Acceptance


Changing My Relationship With Food — And Myself — Takes A Lot Of Energy

binge eating diaries enough alreadyWhen I think about my ever-evolving relationship with food, my body, my weight, and my binging – I instantly feel like I need a nap.

I’ve been scrutinizing my eating habits and my reflection since before puberty. I’m exhausted. Who knew that one of the very few things I actually need in order to survive – was going to end up being the ONE thing that was going to make my life so damn hard?

Today, I’m sharing my feelings about these subjects as they come pouring out – no editing. No holding back. And it all starts with my intense desire to scream the following two words at the top of my lungs for the world to hear…


The less I obsess over food, the better I feel – but the better I start to feel about myself – the more I obsess about food… and everything that comes with it.

  • My love handles are too big.
  • Lost weight – now my boobs are too small.
  • Gained weight – now my thighs are extra lumpy.
  • Dropped a size – now my butt is too flat.

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And these stretch marks… don’t even get me started. They’re here to stay – as the focal point of my body hatred.

Seriously… I’ve been running like a hamster on a wheel my entire life… and where the HELL as it gotten me? Nowhere. That’s where!

I’ve been chasing the same unrealistic, unachievable ideals for as long as I can remember. I’ve been trying to impress the world instead of putting that precious energy toward accepting myself.

Chasing Unrealistic Beauty Ideals — Enough Already!

Every time I start to say “You know what. You’re doing pretty well. You’re lookin’ alright these days. Go you!”

I counter myself and start envisioning what I could look like if I ate A, B, and C. (Yeah that’s right. You guessed it – my alphabet is made up of food.) I “should” have eaten Apples, Bananas, and Carrots instead of Angel Hair Pasta, Bagels, and Chips.

In this life, I feel like I’m Gretel and I’m a permanent guest in the wicked witch’s edible lair. Everything around me is up for grabs.

But I always feel like my hands are tied in knots of…


Oh, the guilt! The guilt! The guilt!

“I feel guilty for eating too much. I feel guilty for eating too little. I feel guilty for feeling guilty! “

Enough Already!

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I’ve cut out the numbers – the calorie counting, the scale, the compulsive portioning of “exact amounts” of “good” food. But I still think about those numbers…

  • What if I ate more today than I did yesterday?
  • What if I stepped on the scale and hated what I saw?
  • What if, what if, what if?

If you feel any of these things that I’ve felt my entire life…I welcome you to say it with me now:

Enough Already!

We can keep baking the same casserole of numbers, weight, criticism, and chaos or we could switch up the recipe and…

Let go.

  • Let go of the pressure we put on ourselves.
  • Let go of the value society puts on how we look.
  • Let go of the “what ifs” and “should haves.”

Oh, it’s not easy. And I don’t claim to have any expertise in the area of “letting go”. But that doesn’t mean I don’t think it’s possible.

I think it’s more than possible – and I know we deserve it.

Ask Yourself What If….

So… what if we put a positive spin on our “what ifs?” What if every time we wanted to guilt or shame ourselves, we told ourselves that it just wasn’t an option?

What if every time we tried to wiggle into a pair of jeans that don’t currently fit we said, “Jeans… this booty is YOUR loss!” or, “Hey, I think it’s time to treat myself to a new pair.” …?

What if every time we thought we were “supposed” to step on the scale, we stepped away?

What if we gave ourselves just a TINY bit of recognition for our successes – no matter how long our strides or how short our steps? And no matter what the numbers say?

“I didn’t binge today. I exercised three times this week. I gave myself a compliment yesterday. I didn’t let the scale determine today’s level of happiness. These ARE successes!)”

What If We Accepted Our Bodies?

What if we accepted our unique, beautiful bodies during our journeys instead of waiting until a certain weight, a certain dress size, or a certain victory to enjoy our lives?

What if it’s finally time to let go, let live, and let SELF love in?

What if we all said – enough already?

Until Next Time,

Help for Binge Eaters and Those Who Emotionally Overeat.

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About the Author

Jacki Monaco

Jacki (or Jace) is a Green Mountain alum that shares experiences with binge eating disorder through "The Binge Eating Diaries” series. Follow Jacki as she shares the discoveries she’s made on her journey to health and happiness.

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