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When women talk about their biggest obstacles to successful
weight and health management, we often hear about hurdles
like not enough time or knowledge to prepare healthy meals.
Or frequent social occasions that involve food. Or hectic
schedules, or stress in their lives, or transitions they're
currently going through. The list goes on. But if you're
like many of us, it's really none of these. Instead,
our biggest obstacle is unrealistic expectations.
All the menu planning, exercising, and positive
behavior change in the world will not help the woman who has
set goals that are impossible to achieve. Unfortunately, too
many of us are that woman – driven, all-or-nothing,
compulsive perfectionists. Because of feelings of insecurity
or inferiority, we idealize our standards of success and try
to mold ourselves into perfect people. The irony is that the
worse we feel about ourselves, the more perfectionistic we
become and thus set ourselves up for failure.
It's easy to understand intellectually
that healthy eating, physical activity and a balanced lifestyle
are key to getting and staying fit. The hard part is ‘doing
it'-- dealing emotionally with the slow, ordinary, day-to-day
process called moderation. Unrealistic expectations don't
blend well with everyday life. As such, everyday life becomes
a failure; each failure undermines confidence in our ability
to succeed and creates feelings of helplessness and hopelessness.
After a while, it's easy to stop trying.
Often, we identify family and friends as saboteurs
to our efforts to take care of ourselves. We're angry
when we realize that, rightly so. But how often do we fail
to identify the biggest saboteur of all: ourselves. We set
the unrealistic expectations that cause failure. On the other
hand, realistic expectations promote success. Success builds
confidence. Confidence creates a feeling of self-efficacy
– that we can do it. That makes it easier to maintain
a high level of commitment and to accept that changing behaviors
takes time and is a less than perfect process.
Resolve to start supporting yourself by being
moderate. Learn to live, breathe, dream moderation because
moderation helps you keep your life in balance which ultimately
leads to success. Know that change is a back-and-forth process
that is only perfect in its erratic course. Look at mistakes
as learning opportunities. Be kind and gentle to yourself.
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