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Green Mountain at Fox Run is pleased to once
again feature a newsletter by Annette Colby, PhD, RD, LD,
a nutrition counselor located in Dallas, Texas. If you're
interested in subscribing to her free weekly email newsletter,
go to the web at www.power-nutrition.com.
Dr. Colby has been in practice for over 11 years, specializing
in working with people with disordered eating, chronic dieting,
compulsive overeating, binge eating and weight and body issues.
She has dedicated her professional life to empowering individuals
with new vision and innovative healing strategies.
Perfectionism can be a double-edged sword.
It has the capacity to provide either great joy and personal
growth ... or misery. Perfectionism can be a gift which offers
with it a driving force, determination, and the ability to
achieve success. Used as a gift, it has the capacity to motivate
an individual to achieve dreams. However, if perfectionism
is combined with a self-punishing attitude, it can drive a
person into despair. This second type of perfectionism involves
excessively high and unrealistic self-imposed rules. The inability
to achieve these unattainable expectations results in negative
self-talk and feelings of failure and sometimes worthlessness.
A key to perfectionism is not to eliminate this gift, but
to harness its energy as a positive force.
Positive Aspects of Perfectionism
Perfectionism can be a positive force that can provide the
driving energy which leads to great achievement. Perfectionism
is the compelling spirit behind an athlete who devotes hours
each day to train to compete in the Olympics. It provides
the commitment a great singer or composer would require to
release the purity of sound playing in their imagination.
Or the persistence of an artist to replicate an image from
the mind's eye to the canvas. Setting high standards can be
a wonderful gift. Many scientists, researchers, artists, athletes,
successful business people spend endless hours perfecting
their knowledge, working harder than their colleagues, and
pushing themselves beyond their own limitation.
Harmful Aspects of Perfectionism
Perfectionism combined with a self-condemning attitude can
deaden the spirit, destroy the imagination, and paralyze performance.
This type of perfectionism can backfire and prevent any sense
of personal satisfaction. This perfectionism refers to a set
of self-defeating thoughts and behaviors aimed at reaching
excessively high and unrealistic goals. Ironically it can
cause you to fail as much as people who have more realistic
aims. This perfectionism is not the search for excellence
-- it is the search for the unobtainable.
Perfectionism sometimes originates from a common desire of
many people -- to be accepted. Perfectionists begin to believe
that achievement and self-worth are one and the same. Instead
of the gift of perfectionism being used for personal growth,
it begins to consume every aspect of life. The perfectionist
becomes so afraid of failing, being less than perfect, afraid
of making mistakes, so afraid of disapproval that they literally
become unable to move forward. Perfectionists tend to engage
in "all or nothing" thinking. This can mean that
if they trip up even once, they will feel a sense of being
so terrible and not good enough - in a way that is out of
proportion to the event.
Questions to ask yourself:
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Do you feel like what you accomplish is never quite good
enough?
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Do you often put off handing in papers or projects, waiting
to get them just right?
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Do you feel you must give more than 100% on everything
you do or else you will be mediocre or even a failure?
Characteristics of Perfectionism
One problem with being a perfectionist occurs when you measure
your self-worth by your performance. Instead of knowing that
you are intrinsically valuable as a human being regardless
of your performance, you believe that your actions determine
your worth as a human being.
Typically, perfectionists are driven by fear. This includes
the fear of failure and the fear of not living up to high
expectations. Perfectionism is intense competition with oneself.
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Procrastination
Procrastination can include not doing
new things because of a fear of not being able to do
them perfectly -- the first time. "It's completely
irrational, impractical, not workable-- and yet, it's
how most people run their lives." John-Roger and
Peter McWilliams (Do It! Let's Get Off our Buts)
Inactivity can result from perfectionism
when a person knows he or she will never measure up
one hundred percent. It may seem better to delay taking
action, or take none at all, rather than risk failure.
Perfect people don't make mistakes -- ever. That's because
they also don't take risks, they don't move outside
of their comfort circles, and they don't attempt to
do new things. They don't enjoy many new experiences
-- choosing instead to life safe, sheltered, and unimaginative
lives.
The sad part of striving for perfection
is that often perfection-orientated people will be fearful
of trying new things or taking chances because they
might not do it perfectly. It is a viscous circle, as
whenever we start something new, we have to do it poorly
first. In the end, many people become stuck in a cycle
of fear and perfection and fear of not having perfection,
which is impossible anyway. |
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Fear of Failure
Perfectionists often equate failure
to achieve their goals with a lack of personal value.
In orienting their lives around avoiding mistakes, perfectionists
miss opportunities to learn and grow. Failure is a teacher
and can be the source of much personal growth. Experiencing
failure -- and learning to judge your own capabilities
-- demonstrates that you have the strength to accept
life's challenges. Never condemn yourself for not succeeding.
Instead, learn to see failure for what it really is:
an opportunity to discover that future success lies
in another strategy or direction. Learning from your
past mistakes is how you will eventually achieve your
goal.
Mistakes are opportunities in disguise.
They offer you the opportunity to look at situation
from a different perspective. Many inventions and discoveries
have been the result of a mistake. The scientist who
invented 'Post Its' notes was really trying to invent
a type of glue that had incredible staying power. Columbus
discovered America while searching for the West Indies;
he simply got lost! If you are not making mistakes you
are not learning and growing. Mistakes are the way we
find out how something shouldn't be done. It is how
we discover how to do it better. |
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All or Nothing Mindset
Perfectionists frequently believe that
they are worthless if their accomplishments are not
perfect. Perfectionists have difficulty seeing situations
in perspective. For example, overeating one meal might
lead a person to believe, "I am a total failure." |
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Fear of Disapproval
Perfectionism has it's roots in the
desire and need to be accepted. A perfectionist wears
a mask to appear nice, polite, likable, friendly, perfect.
Often emotions are hidden inside. If others saw their
flaws, perfectionists often fear that they will no longer
be accepted. Trying to be perfect is a way of trying
to protect from criticism, rejection, and disapproval. |
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Rigid Self Imposed Rules
A perfectionist often feels a constant
pressure to do things exactly as they "should"
be done every single time. There is an overemphasis
on "should's." There are often many food rules
that "should" be abided by everyday. If these
rules are not obeyed, then all or nothing thinking comes
into play. Once you've blown it, there is a perception
that failure has already occurred, so why continue to
bother? These "should's" provide a structure
and endless list of rigid rules of how to live life.
With such an overemphasis on should's, perfectionists
rarely take into account their own wants and desires. |
Easing Up on Yourself
Since most of the pressure of perfectionism comes from the
inside, it would be good to learn the art of "letting
go"! Although it may be uncomfortable at first, you can
learn to relax, embrace the successes of your day, and breathe.
Letting go is an important skill. When you let go, stress
flows away and you feel better.
Perfectionists often do not know their needs or how to meet
them. When you stop and take time for yourself, your deeper
needs will begin to rise into your awareness. To carry out
those deeper needs, you must fight the learned mental tape
recordings that you unconsciously say to yourself such as,
"Do more, be better, work harder, never stop, and be
perfect". Take time to feel good about what you have
accomplished instead of what still needs to be done. Say to
yourself the opposite of those messages, for example, "I
am good enough. I can rest now. I do not need to be perfect
in everything I do. I deserve to do something just for myself."
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Appreciate Your Gift.
There are both useful parts and less
helpful parts to perfectionism. Understand that you
have choices about how you use it. Perfectionism can
serve a useful purpose. It carries with it a power that
can be the driving force to achieving your dreams. Or
it can paralyze you with fear. Recognize your ideals,
your dreams, and your desires. Believe in your ability
to achieve them. Failing to achieve your Ideals and
high standards are good, even if it hurts when one can't
always reach them. |
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Work with a Therapist.
Work with a professional who can help
you find your inherent self worth. Self-worth based
solely on external achievements feels hollow, empty,
and filled with despair. |
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Set Priorities.
Decide where in life your perfectionistic
tendencies will enrich your life. Discover what it really
important to you. Perhaps you can funnel your gift into
a successful business, organization skills, cultivating
a passion, being the kind of person you always wanted
to be. Realize no one can have it all or be good at
everything. Allow yourself to be perfectionistic in
activities that really matter to you. |
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Challenge Your Concepts of Failure
I remind myself daily of a quote by
Charles Kettering, "Failures, repeated failures,
are finger posts on the road to achievement. One fails
forward towards success." Accept failure as a part
of the learning process. Keep striving to achieve your
goals even when your initial attempts are unsuccessful.
Perfectionists typically view success as an "avoidance
of failure." This thought process will keep you
from gaining satisfaction in your achievements. |
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Don't Punish Yourself For Failing.
Learn to cultivate the feeling of satisfaction.
It will take some doing, but it can be learned. Generously
incorporate the use of self-rewards, positive language,
praise, daily success logs, self-appreciation journals
to begin retraining your thinking. Focus your energies
on the courage you have for trying something new. Take
time for reflection, including time to reflect on your
accomplishments, and view mistakes as a necessary part
of the learning experience. Set goals that are obtainable,
measurable, realistic. |
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Life is a Journey.
Accept your life as a journey, and find
ways to enjoy the journey. Focus on the journey not
the outcome. Life is too short not to work though your
fear. Learn to enjoy the ride! |
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