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Do we sabotage our success by soliciting
negative feedback?
Staying healthy isn't just about eating right or physical
activity. It’s also about openly enlisting the support
we need to help
with weight loss.
 In
other words, the classic question, "Does this outfit
make me look fat?" isn't doing us any good. Instead,
it feeds a negative cycle that often starts in our own minds.
How do we combat this negative cycle?
"First, we need to become really clear about what we
want," says Teri Hirss, Green Mountain at Fox Run's health
psychology therapist. Only then, when we've discovered what
our needs are, can we communicate them to others.
What type of support works best?
- A daily phone call with a close friend?
- A long walk after a difficult day?
- A romantic dinner with your sweetie at least once a month?
Knowing the type of support you'll need makes it easier to
plan ahead for times when you'll feel overwhelmed or discouraged.
Make a standing date for dinner or call a group of friends
together. If they're not getting the hint, tell them directly
what you need and why.
We can’t expect others to know what we need when we
aren't clear ourselves. When we slow down and think, we may
start to see how often we sabotage ourselves by looking for
external validation. When we become aware of these old patterns,
we can reframe them into newer, healthier ways of getting
our needs met.
What do we mean when we ask “Do I look fat?”
- What kind of answer do we want?
- Will we believe the answer we're given?
In other words, does the answer make a difference in how
we feel? Most of the time when we ask that question and we
get a positive answer, it doesn't stop the negative thought
from coming back. Concentrate instead on positive self talk
and realize that someone else's opinion is not really going
to make you feel better at that moment.
Build on positives.
Instead of thinking to yourself "this person never offers
to help me," or, “why do I always have to make
the plans?," take the initiative and lay the groundwork
for yourself. You'll be happy you did. It's about taking responsibility
for our own needs.
"We can't always count on receiving what we need from
other people, but we can learn to consistently give ourselves
what we need," says Hirss. "If we aren’t able
to validate ourselves, no amount of external validation will
compensate."
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