An Introduction to Self-Bullying

By Jacki Monaco
3 Flares Facebook 0 Twitter 3 Google+ 0 Pin It Share 0 LinkedIn 0 Email -- 3 Flares ×

jacki blog2For the longest time I thought that most people treated themselves the way that I used to, and unfortunately sometimes still do treat myself. I was confused between “being hard on myself” in order to better the concept of “me” and bullying myself.

When I think of the word “bully” I think of a playground, middle school, wedgies, practical jokes, and lunch money thieves. While I don’t give myself wedgies or steal my own things, I’ve been known to judge myself and consequentially stunt my own growth through words, actions, and lack of certain actions. In other words, I’m a self bully.

While weight and size do not, and should not, determine one’s overall happiness, I was admittedly my unhappiest at my heaviest. Yes, because I was uncomfortable in my own body, but also because of how I was treating this poor girl who had been through such an incredibly difficult time.

How could I be happy when my own shadow was my biggest bully?  I was literally living inside of the enemy. I would never treat someone else the way I treated “me,” but somehow I was the exception to the golden rule – and if I didn’t have something nice to say, I said all the bad things instead. You’re fat, You’re ugly. You’re worthless. Look at yourself, how do you even leave the house?  How could anyone ever love YOU after what you’ve become?

I’ve come along way but I’m still trying to shake that bully for good. She’s been a part of me for so long, that she’s built a barrier around my heart – making it difficult for me to find some love for myself.

Next time, I’ll share with you some of the physical self-bullying that I have endured down the road to recovery. Until then, remember that while bullying yourself can feel more comfortable than loving yourself, you have done nothing to deserve how you’re treating the wonderful person inside of you. First we must forgive ourselves …and then we can tackle the rest.

Jace

10 Responses (Add Yours)

  • john monaco says:

    “Yourself” is always the most difficult to forgive, but the most important. Sooooo proud of you, my daughter!!

  • Deb says:

    I’ve talked about this very issue in my blog – though not for a while. I’d NEVER treat anyone the way I treat myself and I’d be far more supportive and less judgemental. I try to work on my self-talk etc but it’s a long journey and the negative thoughts and judgements are SO ingrained!

    Thanks for sharing Jacki.

    PS. Wish I had a heap of $ as I’d travel to the US and stay at GMFR for as long as I needed to….

    • Jace says:

      Deb,
      Thank you for commenting! It is indeed a long journey, but starting that journey is the hardest part…and we’ve done it! I feel the same, I would purchase a permanent room!

  • Kari Wilson says:

    Yes, I completely understand where you are coming from. I too, for most of my life, have though of myself as inferior to almost anyone I approached. What has helped me is realizing that that other person has all kinds of stuff going on inside that I don’t know about and we all are in the same boat.

  • Joanne says:

    Jace, your post hit a chord with me. A persons mindset has such an enormous influence on how they think and feel.

    • Jace says:

      Absolutely Joanne, our mindset really does dictate how was think, feel, and act toward others…and most importantly ourselves. Thank you so much for commenting.

  • [...] a person hurting just themselves. Or is it? What I sometimes fail to recognize when I’m in a self-bullying battle is that I’m not the only person that I [...]

  • [...] recently been tackling the issue of self-bullying and how that is a real threat to our self acceptance and body positivity. But people with attitudes [...]

Leave a Reply

3 Flares Facebook 0 Twitter 3 Google+ 0 Pin It Share 0 LinkedIn 0 Email -- 3 Flares ×
Ask a Question
×

Ask Us Anything!