The Binge Eating Diaries: The “F” in Food

By Jacki Monaco on 01/24/2013
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A series by Green Mountain alum Jacki Monaco on her journey to overcome binge eating. Follow her every other Thursday as she blogs about the victories and challenges of recovery.

I’m a lousy cook.Scratch that – I’m inexperienced. I’ve dabbled here and there with safe foods like chicken, vegetables, brown rice – foods I knew wouldn’t overexcite my gullible senses.

I’ve feared food for so long that the thought of cooking has always been uncomfortable. You want me to stand in the kitchen, hovering over food, for hours? Without eating all of it? I didn’t understand how that was possible. But now that I’m mending my relationship with edibles, my inner child is beginning to re-discover that the “F” in food stands for fun.

This past Sunday my mother showed me how to cook a healthy lasagna. Not a culinary feat by any means, but it was a big deal for me to tempt a binge by cooking one of my trigger foods. Temptation came and went but instead of giving in, we laughed, tasted, and wrapped it up for dinnertime.

Sitting on the couch after the fact and knowing that there was a whole lasagna sitting in the kitchen was definitely a little difficult, but a part of me didn’t want to destroy the food art I’d just created. I felt proud, accomplished, and that I MADE the meal I was about to eat instead settling for the frozen food I usually heat. 

There comes a time when the kitchen threshold must be crossed other than to raid the fridge and pillage the cabinets. At first, it may be uncomfortable and scary, but ultimately, I found, cooking can also be creative, social, empowering and FUN.

Have you put the Fun back in Food?

6 Responses (Add Yours)

  • jules says:

    YES! The fun in food! I was like you a couple of years ago, but now, once a week, I do marathon cooking. My time to be creative and spend time in the kitchen that I enjoy. My lasagna is one of my favorites (using greek yogurt)

    Ironically, today I posted about some of this… In my creative story, the Wizard of Oz plays an incredible story line. Toto, my faithful best friend, was food. I put him to rest today. Now, I can travel forth with the sense of wonderment that fills my heart!

  • Jace says:

    Thank you so much for sharing Jules!

  • Lou says:

    Your posts are so inspiring and courageous Jacki, I’m sure they help others to address their relationship with food by reassuring them it is possible (although not easy). I look forward to Thursdays when your posts pop up, and congratulations on the lasagne!
    Cheers – Lou @ The Honesty Path

  • Jace says:

    Lou, thank you SO much for commenting. Your words brought a smile to my face!

  • Cindy says:

    Thanks, Jacki. I really enjoyed your post. When I was younger I use to struggle more with having food in the fridge calling my name. Now, I will say that I find it comforting to have it there, knowing I can have it whenever I want it. Somehow it takes the pressure off. Doesn’t mean I still don’t struggle on occasion, but getting to a place where you’re a little less ‘all or nothing’ really helps. And, like anything else, it takes practice to start changing those neural pathways.

  • Jace says:

    Cindy- You sound like you’re doing a FANTASTIC job making friends with food. A little less “all or nothing” sure does go a long way! Thank you so much for commenting.

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