A series by Green Mountain alum Jacki Monaco on her journey to overcome binge eating. Follow her every other Thursday as she blogs about the victories and challenges of recovery.
What I used to think of as a day to dress up as your favorite princess or bloodiest nightmare has turned into a day reserved for phrases like, “Less is more” or “Thank God for girls’ Halloween costumes” or “The (pardon my French) sluttier the better on Halloween!” Sadly, as I grow up, the holiday just brings my body images issues into full gear.
Now, I am all for empowering females, but those phrases come from the opposite sex who prowl the scantily clad. Costumes have been exchanged for underwear and fairy wings and I am not the girl who can pull that off, mentally or physically. So with my combination of jealousy, frustration, confusion, and needing to vent, today we talk about my HalloWeekend.
Demons are lured out from their hibernation on Halloween when you have self-esteem struggles and compare yourself to others. This past weekend, I attended two Halloween parties haunted by dozens of creatures baring torsos, breasts, and butt cheeks. What was I baring? With my long, flowing goddess, the only thing exposed about me was my damn fine makeup.
As inferior and grandma-like as I felt in my full-bodied costume, I survived both evenings without tears and without “make-me-feel-better-binges.” I tried to bottle the “Why Me!?” anger that I all-too-often direct toward the Big Guy In The Sky and put it in my pocket. I want to be nobody’s object of “aSEXtion” next Halloween, but I would sure love to be the object of my own affection.
One minute, one hour, one holiday at a time, ladies and gentlemen… How did you manage Halloween this year in terms of binges and body images? I’d love to hear your thoughts as always.