This blog is about my journey. A journey that I’m sharing in hopes that what I’ve gone through with binge eating will give all of you some comfort in knowing that you’re not alone. We can make our individual changes and achieve our personal goals… together.
I’ve been proactive with my campaign that changes are indeed possible — “Just Look At Me!“ Well, lately I’ve been feeling a little more “Don’t Look At Me, I BEG You!” I’ve just finished a three-month internship during which I was working part time at my minimum wage retail job. The combination of two stressful, non-well paying (or not paying at all) jobs got the better of me and I put the internship first, my relationship second, and put my own needs at the bottom of the list in the Tend To When There Is Time section.
I can feel that I’ve gained a little weight because of this. And when you’ve been losing weight for a while there is an underlying need of sorts never to notice a gain, “How could I possibly go backwards after everything I’ve been through?”
Here’s the answer: Life is not easy and although food may be the biggest challenge for some of us, it will never be the only challenge we face daily. “Life is complicated” is not at excuse for laziness in the self-love department, but it is a reason.
I need to be proud of the thing I overlook daily while I’m busy beating myself up over the other things: I am not bingeing. I may be overeating, and as I talked about in my last post, there is a difference. I might be enjoying my food a little too much, and making excuses not to work out as often as I should, but I have not succumbed to the calling of the binge.
Sometimes, I feel pangs of guilt for writing this blog when I feel down about myself. My “Shame To Maintain” overwhelms me and I wonder “Who am I to spread the word when I can’t even follow it?” But the truth is that this blog is about bingeing as much as it is about life. I promise to be blatantly honest about both with you, even if that means that you see that once that binge eating can be overcome, there are still plenty of food, weight, and exercise hills to climb. What I hope you find comforting in my brutal honesty is that I am okay.
Putting all of my energy into my internship has earned me my first “big girl job” and some much needed mental confidence. Now, knowing that I can feel a little more secure in that arena, I can focus more on my physical happiness again.
I am okay because even though a few pounds have snuck back onto my hips, I was able to put the exercising of my mind before the obsession of my body for three months.
I am okay because no matter what I weigh, I matter, mostly importantly I matter to myself.
I am okay because tomorrow doesn’t have to mimic yesterday or the week before, not in terms of “It’s a new day, let’s restart our diet” but “Hey, I’m going to do just little better than yesterday.”
I am okay because I. Am. Just. Human. And although at times I may be too much, I am me…and that is enough.
I would really like to hear how you know you are okay, even when you feel like you’ve taken one step backward in your journey.