Today’s post is from Green Mountain alum Jill C, who shares her journey to overcome emotional eating.
Since leaving Green Mountain, my life has changed. I enjoy movement and
incorporate it into my life regularly. I’m experimenting with Cooking 101. My binge eating has lessened. I’m becoming more and more aware that food is just food.
That is disappointing. Because now I have feelings. Big ones.
And I know that ice cream won’t solve them.
When I was stuck in diet mentality, I was really great at the whole
restricting thing. I lost a lot of weight. You’d think I’d be happy,
Nope. I’ve never been so depressed in my entire life. I had these big
feelings that were not being bandaged by food, due to dieting. So what
did I do? I ate back all my lost weight, plus some.
I’ve broken free from the chains of dieting. I listen to my hunger and
satisfaction signals. I honor them imperfectly. But those stuffed down
feelings are arising again. I’m losing weight because eating more than
my body wants is less desirable & doesn’t feel very good.
Sometimes I think about that time period when I got really depressed,
and wonder if I will end up there again.
I won’t. I’m a different, stronger person now. I have better
boundaries, and lots of wise experiences to pull from.
But, I have to find other strategies to deal with my feelings. You know… more than the typical Weight Watchers strategies of: take a
bath, phone a friend, take a walk, get a manicure.
The strategies I want to bring to my feelings mean actually sitting
with those feelings. I trust that they won’t overcome my system like they did before.
For me sitting with my feelings includes allowing myself to cry &
knowing that I eventually will stop. I can journal through emotions,
and rip out the pages I’ve written, if I feel like it. I can scream in
my car, after a stressful day at work. Looking into the future, I’d
like to experimenting with meditation and mindfulness. I’m starting to
open up to people who care about me, instead of always playing the
supportive, listening friend role.
Today was not one of those days. I was feeling so bad emotionally, and
I wanted my physical body to have those same feelings. So I went back
to my default of eating.
It takes time to build new neuropathways. I will be patient with
myself. Two steps forward, one step back.
You can read more from Jill on her blog, Eating as A Path To Yoga or leave her questions/comments below.