Knowing Boundaries


Recently I saw Victoria Jackson on a follow up to Celebrity Fit Club. She was a "cast member" on the show’s second season. In the follow up, there was a segment with her father. He was showing photos of a young Victoria with her middle- and high-school gymnastics team. Here’s a snip of dialouge:

"See, she’s bigger than the other girls…I had to work on keeping her small all the time…oh, here’s when she really started to get big…she was always bigger than the other girls…"

I don’t think I have to go further. Victoria revealed that she was always made to feel bad about her size (ps she was not any different looking than the other girls) and that drove a lot of her dieting, which in turn drove her excess weight. She did confront him about his comments and attitudes later in the show, he replied, "oh, you took that all wrong."

While it would be easy to paint Mr. Jackson as a foe of women, an abuser of minds, a monster, the truth is quite something else. He clearly loves his daughter, as does she – they have a "simple" case of lack of boundaries.

Here’s a story that illustrates having a lack of boundaries:

The Pastor’s Ass

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.

The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again.

The local paper read: PASTOR’S ASS OUT FRONT

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day, the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR’S ASS.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

The bishop was buried the next day!

The moral of the story is: being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery…and even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life. Stop worrying about everyone else’s ass!

When boundaries are terribly blurred, we internalize the "stuff" of other people.  In this case, the bishop kept feeling the mortification of the headlines on behalf of the nun and the pastor.  Some might even say that the bishop felt more mortification than either the nun or the pastor did – after all, neither of them fainted or suffered any ill physical effects.

Remember to allow other people their own feelings: shame, elation, grief, contentment, mortification or pleasure.  It’s their right because it’s their life, not yours!

(We have been unable to locate an original author’s name.  If you know who should receive credit for this, please email to let us know so we may properly attribute it.)

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